


First aid

by Messypeaches



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other, because why not, probably turn into a crack-over eventually, tossing this out as a feeler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 13:46:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Messypeaches/pseuds/Messypeaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles was never a boy scout but that didn't mean he didn't understand the concept of being prepared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First aid

Werewolves didn't have allergies.

In theory.

Mostly.

Actually what werewolves had instead of normal allergies was a sort of laundry list of strange aversions (Bath's were out, showers and pools were in), compulsive reactions to things (Mountain ash in circles mixed with belief, for fucks sake) and a hyper allergic reaction to wolfsbane, all forms.

And it was spring, the little purple flowers where everywhere, so yes...

Derek had a head ache, and slightly puffy eyes, and a slightly nasel tone to his voice because his sinuses had swollen shut in self defense.

"Are you okay?" And that was Scott, because Scott was always concerned, about everyone. "You sound like you have a cold-"

"No it's just," Derek waved a hand. "It'll pass."

"here I have something for that," Stiles half slung his pack off his shoulder and seemed to try to disappear into it. "I have a thing for just this purpose-"He fell a little behind as the three of them walked.

"It won't work on me," Derek said, waved a hand. "Did the argents have anything on how they deal with an alpha pARGHH-" pain lanced down his shoulder, numbe dhis arm. He half spun, snarling, and the only thing there was Stilies, holding his hands up. And it wasn't an arrow in his shoulder it was...

A screwdriver?

"Triggering the healing reaction?"  
Derek stared.

In theory Stiles should be a slightly greasy blood smear on forest floor, or at least cringing backwards while Scott got i the goddamn way, but it wasn't happening.

Derek just.. Stared at the thing.

"This is my only jacket," he said, finally, because it WAS. He could feel himself trying to heal around the probably dirty metal. 

"Hey, you're sounding better already!" Stiles said. Scott nodded quickly, and caught hte back of Stiles' jacket when the motor mouth started to move forward.

"Did you sharpen it?"

"Yeah, cause, see our school has a zero tolerance knife policy but we're allowed screw drivers for some stupid reason and-"

"It's a shiv. I'm amazed it's not a toothbrush."  
"Why do you only have one jacket?"

"It's leather," Derek said, like that explained anything, and when he had two blank looks aimed at him he shrugged. it made the screwdriver shift, and he hissed, finally yanking it out. "You only need one leather jacket hey last forever. This one was my older brothers."

"Holy shit, we got voluntary personal information," Stiles said, before flinching because the Derek Hale method of shiv return was to lob it handle first at Stiles' chest. "Hey you could hurt a guy with that!"

"What else is in there?" Scott asked, leaning in as Stiles tucked the not-at-all-a-weapon 'first aid device' into the backpack. 

"You know. Stuff," Stiles said. "Some matches and hand sanitizer, and did you know there's about sixty different species of wolvesbane?"

Scott was suddenly a lot less interested in what was in the bag. "What?"

"You can buy them on ebay! Seeds, leaves, dried flowers for love spells. Not that I did any love spells, I mean, not, recently. Not since I found out that one might WORK."

" _Love_ spells aren't real," Derek said. "Heart's aren't that easy. but stop trying anyway you don't know what you'll do by accident."

"See- wait does that mean other spells are?" Stiles paused, frozen in the act of pulling out a black zippered binder. "So magic's real?"

There was silence.

Derek finally broken it. "you're.. Asking a werewolf.. if he believes in magic?"

"Aaaannnyway back to this!" Stiles held the binder up, triumphant. "A picture and written description of the scent of fifty three different species and sub species of wolves bane. In case of crazy hunters. Well, more crazy hunters. Hey do they just hunt werewolves? Is it like a population control thing or do they hunt, you know, whatever? Wendingo's and the jersey devil and vampries? Are there vampires should I be growing garlic in the garden next to the wolvesbane?"

"Don't be silly," Scott started. 

"Garlic doesn't work on vampires," Derek said, and realizing he was back in the metaphorical spotlight he sighed, and looked up. "North American Vampires," and his tone took on the ever so slightly rythmic quality of someone reciting something learned in primary school . "All live in Canada, mostly, above or below a certain longitude. They sleep all day and hunt at night, they are not strong, but they are quick, any blood will do, the Jewish one's drink milk-"

"Jewish vampires?" Stiles started but Scott elbowed him.

"And it's basically a long life of staying inside on sunny days and not giving a shit how cold it is. Okay? Can we drop it now?"

"No, we can't! What do you mean they drink milk?"

"They. Drink. Milk. Well the kosher one's do the reformed ones generally eat well cooked blood sausage."

Stiles frowned. "So crosses probably don't work?"

"Crosses are supposed to work," Scott said. 

"If they're still practicing Judaism, then religious symbols probably don't work!" Stiles said. "Oh, unless crosses do work in which case that'd sorta be a definitive answer on the whole 'who got it right' debate that's behind, you know, like, every war. What do practicing Muslim vampires do?"  
"How should I know?" Derek said.

"That's sort of insensitive."

"I don't know any! I've never have to arrange a meal for Muslim vampires!"

"When did you ever have to arrange a meal for Jewish vampires? Do you even eat?" Stilies said. "I have never seen you eat!"

"It's not comfortable," Scott said. "To eat while someone's watching I don't know why. I mostly ignore it."

"Ah..." Stilies trailed of... "I also need to use one of you for experiments, so we can identify which wolfsbane causes what sort of poisoning. So whenever you're free, Derek I can start to catalogue that?" 

Derek started walking, in the vague hopes no one would follow him. He was disappointed, but not surprised, when this failed to work.  
"I'd only stick you with a little? On your hand! And I'd have the burnt stuff all ready, and then I'll take a picture of the way it turns your skin black and then in goes the ash and we'd give you a minute and go on to the next one. It'd be all scientific."  
"... Use Scott."  
"No! That'd be terrible!"  
Derek told himself later he wasn't running away, he was just, leaving too fast for the little crazy bastard to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on a whim after a short IM conversation, as most crack is.  
> It will PROBABLY get stranger as it goes, and it will probably involve Supernatural at some point.  
> And Sterek cause I swear to GOD I expected them to be the main characters, and I generally like fandom ships of this nature.
> 
> This nature being alllmost utterly groundless in canon.
> 
> This is actually a stand alone scene from the following work, which is a crack over.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/731130


End file.
